Rob Zombie – The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Orgy Celebration Dispenser

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Rob Zombie’s new album isn’t going to win him any new fans. It’s hard to imagine his audience expanding. The face of Rock has changed. Loud guitars pretty much lost their cool unless you’re in the True Metal zone. That zone is about being the least original anyway. Nevertheless, this album is a step in the right direction.

This shouldn’t have happened. How many bands that rely on loud noise and grooves carry on for so long? Pretty much every band from Zombie’s era is dead, or drastically changed their sound. Many of them are still good, but Powerman 5000 are revivalists. They’re brilliant at mining great songs but they don’t push the sound forward. Metalcore bands now jump from section to section and act like hooks never existed and Marilyn Manson quit for blues.

Zombie is still doing the B-movie bullshit. Looking at the ridiculous song titles (“In the Bone Pile” is the most normal title here), two options come to mind. The first is that Zombie is desperate. He knows he’s not as popular and he’s trying to be as wacky as people to catch attention. The second is that it’s the most inspired he’s been since forever. All these paragraphs are a product of a mind that can’t contain his excitement.

“UFO”, the first single, features Zombie talking like a hillbilly about a story involving sex and UFO’s and aliens. It also features one of the best riffs in his career, that kind of riff that causes earthquakes at shows. It sounds like a gimmick, but it isn’t. The song merely reveals what’s the source of Rob Zombie’s greatness all this time. Riffs and hooks weren’t Zombie’s strength. His personality made him one of Rock’s most engaging singers.

The defining feature of the album is that Zombie’s personality dominates it. Previous albums had plenty of great hooks and riffs. They were the source of success in an era grooves and hooks shot Rock music to the top of the charts. Nothing here is as accessible as “Dragula” and all of it is way weirder.

Since the personality drives the music, the wackiness follow. From his early beginnings in White Zombie he had songs called “Drowning the Colussos”. Feeling freer, he now tries to rap on “Get High”, makes Garage-Rock-Fuzz-Noise thing on “Gore Whore” and a progressive epic closer that ends with a piano solo.

None of this sounds particularly new, though. None of it sounds like Zombie is deliberately pushing himself into new territories. Yet it stills sounds like progress instead of mere revivalism. Zombie was meant to be here. The Electric Warlock isn’t his heaviest album like he said, but it is his weirdest. Nothing here serves any genre or general around but exists to contribute to the whole ‘carnival rock’ thing.

Originality isn’t simply sounding different. It’s about having a personality that’s your own, that can’t be easily replicated. Zombie used to sound like just another Industrial Metal-er with a weirder personality, but Static-X had songs like “Dragula”. No one can make another “Teenage Rock God” because you’d need the exact inspiration Zombie has – cheap B-movies and their ridiculousness – and his passion.

Thankfully it’s not all sound. Although it’s less diverse than “Get High” would’ve hinted at, the songs still sound like individual pieces. It helps that every song has a clear idea behind it. While the hooks are slightly disappointing and only “Teenage Rock God” sounds like a single, Zombie’s personality makes up for it. I wouldn’t want to hear anyone else singing these songs.

The album also contains some of his more ‘artsy’ work. Beyond “Wurdalak” and the two instrumental interludes (which are actually necessary, providing respite and fitting in with the atmosphere) there are touches of psychedelia, Doom Metal and Hip-Hop all over the album. The most frustrating thing about the album is the oddest flaw you can have. It’s not extreme enough.

As charming as it is, it still sounds like Zombie didn’t go all the way. He could’ve taken more direct inspiration from Carpenter and added 3 more Horror Synth-length tracks at a decent length. He could pile weirder sounds and he could make the Hip-Hop on “Get High” more apparent. It’s not clear why he doesn’t push into those territories. He’s clearly very excited over this music. Perhaps his passion is still mostly in loud guitars. Although he deviates occasionally, he’s not interested in these experiments enough. It’s a shame, because at this point he’s an experienced artist with a solid fanbase. It’s the ideal position to be with. It worked for Marilyn Manson.

The Electric Warlock won’t attract any new fans, but fans who are into Zombie’s shtick instead of just the loud guitars should have plenty to enjoy here. Even at its short length, these are 12 tracks of silly, loud Rock that sounds like it’s too passionate to care about how cool he is.

3.5 really really really long song titles out of 5

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Megadeth – Dystopia

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For a long while, I thought metalheads were stupid.I read reviews in metal sites where bands were called unoriginal for mixing genres. Then they’d give five stars to a Thrash band that keeps it ‘true to their roots’. I really hoped I was just stereotyping because I was an idiot.

“Super Collider” is a great song. It’s ridiculous Stadium Rock that’s fun, melodic and would go well with a beer. Since it was ‘radio rock’ the fans got angry and so we get the obligatory back to basics album. There isn’t a single song here as fun or with as much personality as “Super Collider”.

Mustain is an old guy. He didn’t hide it on “Super Collider”. He sounded like an old guy celebrating rock music and the joys of making money off telling teenagers about how religion is bad. It sounded both honest and refreshing even if you never heard a
Megadeth song before.

Here, he’s just pulling cliches out of his ass. I already heard this record back when it was called Countdown to Extinction. It was just as overly serious then but the band sounded young. There was charm in how seriously they played their music.

You don’t hear this spark in this record. It sounds so calculated. Can you get more cliched than “Fatal Illusion” or “Death From Within”? These are the most hackneyed Thrash titles. There’s a tiredness all over the record, even though the band tries hard to hide it.

They still sound good. In fact, I’m sure many of these songs would work well live. The riffs are loud and the drums bang hard. Mustaine may sound old but he sure tries. Sometimes, he hits the spot like on “The Emperor” (which is the most lighthearted song here. That’s not a coincidence). It’s charming to see how they try hard to make something profound in “Poisonous Shadows”. We even get an instrumental track in “Conquer or Die”, which isn’t interesting but at least it’s not an acoustic interlude. Maybe it will work well in a movie.

It’s so serious though. Do people really enjoy listening to chugging riffs, squeaky solos while stroking their beard? Stupid lyrics can be a lot of fun, but not in this context. This is a very serious album. You may make a mistake it’s just fun thrashing, but then you get to “Post American World”. That’s the kind of brooding I expect from The Smiths or Joy Division. The thing is, sparse arrangements sound well when brooding. Shredding doesn’t brood.

I might have taken the whole ‘apocalypse’ theme seriously, but it’s been drilled to our heads already. The only apocalypse so far is an apocalypse in the arts. The theme of ‘apocalypse’ is now boring. Still, it could have been fine if it was fun. This is music for first-person shooters and action films. It’s all pounding drums and chugging riffs. The only way you can be apocalyptic with this music is by adding something, like how Ministry’s guitars sound like chainsaws.

Mustaine sounds grave though. He sounds worried about the upcoming dystopia (Which we’ve been warned about from time immemorial). There’s no fun to be had here. It’s not even the venting that Ministry had on their Bush albums. Mustaine sounds like he hopes to change the world using guitar solos. All he does is give people a reason to make fun of metal.

Or maybe he’s just tired. He wanted to sing anthems now that he’s got tons of money. The fans wanted tostroke their beards while thinking ‘this is deep. It’s not about girls’. So he gave us a record full of dull lyrics about how the thread is real.

It’s a shame because there’s talent here. There are some really good hooks and most of the record sounds energetic enough. The band doesn’t sound like they’re at the end, but more like they’re not interested in this type of music. “The Threat Is Real” would have been better if it was about telling people to fuck off.

Some have criticized Mustaine’s ‘conservative’ lyrics. The irony is bigger than Jupiter. There are hundreds of bands making songs against America. Bowie had a song called “I’m Afraid of Americans”. Mustaine says vaguely that he doesn’t trust a huge wave of immigrants and suddenly he’s xenophobic and racist. Okay, the lyrics to “Post American World” are stupid, but I’ve heard far worse xenophobia from oppressed groups.

It’s a fun record, but mostly pointless. It’s overly serious in a genre that’s not meant to be serious. “The Emperor” is great and so is a few other songs, but why go back to this? I can get the same effect by listening to Prong or Five Finger Death Punch or Superjoint Ritual or Texas Hippie Coalition, only without the bullshit lyrics and seriousness.

2 super colliders out of 5